Yes
folks, tis true.
Yours truly has officially done the unthinkable. I have broken 'Ole Green...
let us pause for a moment of silence
Before we
dwell anymore on the present, let us rekindle our past with 'Ole Green.
'Ole Green was brought to life in 2006 by the Shot Knights as an evergrowing
need to be inebriated at will. The quickest, most leathal way to preform
such an act was to ingest large amount of alcohol at once. At this present
time in human history, the only safe liquid to do so is beer. For any
more stronger of a means would most definately cause the death of one
of the Knights. Enter the acquisition of a simple device known to the
world as 'Ole Green. Yes, this ingenious device purchased by a young squire
named Greenstick Nick had saved the universe and to date has successfully
wreaked drunken havok on untold masses of people. Most were strangers
to the powers of the Beer bong, but once introduced, many cannot turn
away.
They are loyal forever...
On
the night in question, it was a rather cold night. Very cold indeed. One
of those nights where you know you should be doing something other than
drinking beer through a hose and funnel. Myself and a few devoted followers
of the bong were getting ready to partake of its loins once again after
a brief pause. I had slipped into the garage secretly to fill up the funnel
of destiny. As usual, we leave the nozzle open to let any miscellanious
liquids drain out, so as to not contaminate the next load of beer. I proceeded
to close the nozzle and gave it an extra effort of tightness to ensure
a proper seal. This futile effort was to be the undoing of 'Ole Green.
The combination of my unhumanly masculine strength, coupled with the frigid
temperatures of a December garage had rendered the plastic handle inept.
With a sharp twist, the damn ting just simply snapped off. Twas the break
heard 'round the world...
again... let us pause for a moment of silence
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"'Ole Green was not meant to perish in such a way. HE MUST RISE AGAIN!", I said to myself. So, with a swift trip to Home Depot, a replacement nozzle had to be found. I searched the entire stash of nozzles, but I had to be sure. I had to select the exact one that would become the new 'Ole Green. Most had tight seals and were difficult to open and close. This trait is the demise of a successful beer bong. The user must be able to control his or her flow. The nozzle had to be just right.
Then I saw it! I found it, or quite possibly it had found me. The exact nozzle that was meant to resurect our fallen brother. 'Ole Green had been saved!
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With
the quickness, the nozzle was delivered to the awaiting charriot and brought
to the carcass of 'Ole Green. I surgically attached the new nozzle using
only the utmost of skill and precision to make all the dimensions, useability
and strife of 'Ole Green whole again. He had risen once again!
'Ole Green was alive and would live to ride another day.
In fact,
we used him that night. Right after he was fixed.
Jose was his first customer, followed by Big Mike and then myself. We
each did beer bongs until we felt the greatness of 'Ole Green enter our
livers and bless us with inebriation once more... hooray!
But to be sure, Caveman came over the next night to try his new nozzle
out as well. The cheezy, shit-eating grin tell the whole story.
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