June 2006
Mr. Wade12 Wusses Out On A Beer Bong
Wuss of the month for June is no other than the one and only sissy drink lover.
Yes folks, I'm sad to say that we have a sissy boy amongst the men. Now, the situation wouldn't be so bad if this person drank Smirnoff Ice drinks on occasion or maybe even when other girls are around to try and score some points, but no... this guy drinks this shit on the regular and swears by them as the drink that changed the world.
Let us look deeper into the world of a man that enjoys a woman's drink. You notice I am not mentioning the word "beer" anywhere in this paragraph because frankly, beer is for men and Smirnoff ice drinks are for women. end of story...
That preface leads us to the sad, yet interesting existence on a one Mr. Wade12. Internet surfer by day/ Deon Sanders admirer by night.
We could take him to an all-man truck and tractor pull followed by a martial arts demonstration by Chuck Norris and ending with a football game between the '72 Dolphins and the '85 Bears and this guy would still be sipping on those fucking things the whole time.
The only thing that separates Mr. Wade12 and Ru Paul is a straw. If Wade12 pulled out a straw and started sipping he would be announcing his homosexual intent right then and there. Luckily for us, that has not happened... yet
Secret Stash of Girl Drinks
Of Course, Wade Picks the PINK One
Girls Gone Wild
So, onto the wussness...
On the night when men were taking an assload of manly beer bongs, the bong challenge came around to Mr. Wade12. Wade promptly walks over to his secret stash of lace and high heel pumps and pulls out two Smirnoff Ice drinks. When the fuck was the last time someone took a beer bong with a Smirnoff Ice drink?!! Probably in a scene in Brokeback Mountain. So queer. We decided to humor this guy and pour it in anyway. To our surprise the shit didn't even foam! yet another strong piece of evidence that this shit is nowhere near the manly capacity of a good old fashioned beer.
We set mr. Wade12 up to take the bong and he ends up taking like 20 minutes to drink it. His wussly instincts would not allow for more than a 2 second 'sip' off the bong. He is so used to suckling the bottle for 2 hours he couldn't stand the rush of wuss juice that was instantly thrust upon his DSLs.
He stopped a total of 3 times to take a breather. I mean 24 ounces of liquid is not much, but when you go and get your ass wrapped in tofu paper and pampered over at the local day spa, it is a tough pill to swallow... and I do believe he didn't even finish the whole thing. He left some to drip off into the storm drains and maim some unsuspecting turtle by exposing it to such a wussy form of liquid queerness.

Check out the footage of the wussness in action:

Mr. Wade12 Drink Of Thy Queer Juice

Remember boys and girls: Beer = Men, Smirnoff Ice = Women.
Don't get caught looking like a queer in front of your friends. Save yourself the humility and you manly pride by sticking to a drink made for a man: BEER!!