Basically
this beer bong is not the longest beer bong ever taken in the world because
the bong had a 100 ft hose. Nope, its not even the longest in the world
because it has so much beer to drink. And its defintely not the
longest ever taken due to the person being long in the pants.
It is the longest ever taken because the schmuck that took this beer bong
took so fucking long to drink it, that the damn battery almost ran out
before it was completed. It seriously took this man almost 30 minutes
to drink a simple 3-beer beer bong.
THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES!!
I am not
positive, but I think there was at least 2 puke breaks and a nice little
sit down inside the house with the women folk. Yup, Caveman
tried to escape the wrath of the beer bong, but in attempting to do so
he just made himself look like the total wuss he is. Thirty minutes. God
Damn!
I can warm 12 cars up in the dead of winter in 30 minutes. A garbage man
can service 22 houses full of trash in 30 minutes. In 30 minutes I can
mail a package and it will be out of the city limits in 30 minutes. Caveman
just plain sucks ass on this beer bong.
| This
particular evening was a nice and chilly one, everyone had agreed
to do a 3-beer beer bong. Slamerai went first without hesitiation,
e-rips killed his with one stop, but when the drinking duties came
around to 'Ole Caveman, well we'll just have to show you the videos. And I say video(s) because the whole thing was too long to make a single video out of. You would be sitting here for a good 45 minutes waiting to download this damn episode of pure wussness. And then it would probably be all choppy and shit because Windows Media Player has the 'no wusses' filter on it and all the wussiness would make for a terrible video experience.. |
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I
beleive the record keepers over at the Guiness Book of World records
started getting a huge woody as they heard about this one. Most
beer bongs usually last within the 10-20 second range for the average
drunkard. Maybe if they are newbies, such as the minions featured
in last month's Drunkard
of the Month, the time will increase to a minute or two. But
under no circumstances whatsoever should a beer bong take more than
15 minutes, let alone 30. Thirty damn minutes is what you cook with,
its what you take your lunch break on, its the time you take to
take a long dump after some delicious mexican food. It is NOT
the time you take to drink a fucking regular sized beer bong...
!! |
| Warning: Long videos. These things are pretty big because the fucking beer bong, even in segments, was so damn long. If you have a quick connection, downloads will be no problem, but if your shit is slow, try the "Right-click, Save As..." method and save them to your computer for better viewing. | ||
Size:
25.2 MB |
Size:
19.9 MB |
Size:
18.6 MB |
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Episode
1: Caveman begin the beer bong session in total darkness. 'Coincidentaly', all the power in the neighborhood had gone out and we are reduced to using a flashlight for light. Of course, this didn't stop Slamerai or e-rips from dominating thier beer bongs, but it seems to have turned Caveman into a total wuss-ass |
Episode
2: After having stopped 3 times in the previous episode, Caveman attempts to renew his man-ly status but once again attempting his 3-beer beer bong. Of course, he is denied and promptly retreats around the corner of his house for reasons unknown. We think it was to puke, but who knows... |
Episode
3: Caveman returns for a 6th try at this thing. Complaints and harrasment ensue as Caveman chokes down what even girls say is an easy task. 2 more stops and victory is finally his, but not after a moment of ridicule and weeks of shame that follow this feat of wuss-ness |
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Moral of the story... No matter how cold or how much beer, just fucking drink it. The camera is always rolling and if you suck ass on something that is totally easy, guess where you'll end up: Right next to Caveman in the Wuss Hall of Fame.